Through AJ’s Eyes


I suck at this game called life, its nothing like Atari
For some reason I got a long list of bad habits, and for that I’m very sorry
But that doesn’t even begin to describe, how I feel
I was out of control, all I did was lie, cheat and steal
Living with my self is hell, it was desperate and pathetic
I wish I knew magic, like my name is JJ Reddick
I destroyed relationships, and that’s the worst feeling in the world, its so defeating
I start off good, then mess up, I need to start completing
But how can I go forward, when, I don’t know which way I’m facing
I just walk around pacing, while my mind continues racing
And when you aint got nothing, you got nothing to lose, I suppose
And when you’re high, the only time living is easy, is when your eyes are closed
Please hear me cry for help, please save me from myself
I’m not trying to say “POOR ME”, but the value of life, is more than any wealth
I’m ready to fight my life, cause I made everyone who loves me suffer
So “LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE”, and I’m not talking bout Michael Buffer
Cause people lose there life from this disease
Like Basquiat, Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain, and Chris Farley
No one is invincible, not even Lin Bias or Elvis
This shit low blows the hell out of you, like a kick in the pelvis
It’s something like a war, but it aint fake like Mash
Though you can win the battle, look at Ray Charles and Johnny Cash
Even Eminem is on his way, and look at Nic Sheff
But you can’t go out of bounds, you gotta be your own ref
Sometimes I need a map though, I need all the guides
There is pressure building around me, and I feel like I’m being crushed from all sides
But you can’t forget that this is a disease of amnesia, you’re the only one to blame
You gotta work to get out of the hot seat, but only you can blow out that flame

I’m hurtin inside, I don’t realize all the pain I cause
Somethings I wish I could rewind, but it feels like my life is on pause
Cause it seems I aint going no where, besides down the way
I’m surprised I’m alive, so I cherish each and every day
I cried a lot today, so I sat down to pray
Cause I can’t see the light, all I see is black and grey
The way I was going, I know that’s not the way to live
And the shit I was doing, no one would ever forgive
I pushed my dad away, like he was a bother
But he got every right, cause I’m his seed and he’s my father
It kills me to even talk about the other
The woman who gave birth to me, yes, my mother
Now I’m puttin her through even worse pain
What the hell wrong with me, A.J. use your brain
Life that way is a lot of loses and no gain
It always feels like you’re in lightning, thunder and rain
Lightning, because you’re never in shock
You will do anything, even rob the block
Now thunder, cause all you hear is rattle
The shit breaks your balls like riding a horse without a saddle
Or floatin up the stream without a paddle
All I wanna do is win the war in life’s battle
Mostly the rain, cause I’m soaked in emotion
Wish I could cure everything, I wish I had the potion

Written by A.J. while serving a 120 day county jail sentence. He succumbed to an overdose 2 days after his release.